I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i think i have herpe
just one?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
