you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
