Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
