Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
