she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Boobs speak an international language.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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