And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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