I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize