im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
