are you still at the devil's house?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
