NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
