He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
