It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
