you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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