The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
