My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
