ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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