meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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