just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
