cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
