Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
