Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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