i always forget guys have bellybuttons
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
