Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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