I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
