he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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