Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
