oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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