I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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