..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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