So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
