i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize