Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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