she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
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