ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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