if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
