Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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