Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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