ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
