sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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