I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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