Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
