I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
