He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize