apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
