It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
