i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
