Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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