Will you blow on my dice?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
