And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
