i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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