This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
