Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Did I show you my penis last night?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
