and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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