i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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