is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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