WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
she smelled like a LAN party
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I would fuck him just for his dog
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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