i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
