my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
