I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
