we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
