Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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