why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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