Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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