I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
