Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
