dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
