you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
