He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
