well you can't waste a boner
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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