if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
