You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
